Chronic Pain Warrior: Finding Hope Through Chronic Pain and Adversity

In this powerful episode of The Resilience Movement, Donna Moulds sits down with Davis Bain, known as Chronic Pain Warrior, to discuss his deeply personal journey through post-concussion syndrome, chronic pain, mental health challenges, and the resilience required to rebuild a meaningful life.

After a life-changing concussion, Davis faced uncertainty, identity loss, and some of his darkest moments. Rather than allowing adversity to define him, he chose to confront it head-on and create a new path forward. In this honest and inspiring conversation, he shares the mindset shifts, daily practices, and hard-earned lessons that have helped him move from surviving to living with purpose.

Together, Donna and Davis explore:

• The realities of living with chronic pain
• Rebuilding identity after unexpected life changes
• Mental health, hope, and finding reasons to keep going
• The role of family, resilience, and personal responsibility
• Practical strategies for navigating adversity one day at a time
• Why acceptance is not giving up—it's the beginning of moving forward

If you're facing challenges of your own or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers encouragement, perspective, and a reminder that resilience can be developed even in life's most difficult seasons.

📖 Davis's book, Chronic Pain Warrior: Practical Help and Everyday Hope for Chronic Pain, Illness and Injury, is available on Amazon: Amazon Australia

Listener discretion: This episode includes discussion of chronic pain, concussion recovery, mental health challenges, and suicidal thoughts. Please listen with care and seek support if needed.

Disclaimer: The experiences shared by Davis Bain reflect his personal lived experience and should not be considered medical, psychological, or professional advice. If you have concerns about your physical or mental health, please consult an appropriately qualified healthcare professional.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Right. Well, good morning, listeners to the resilience movement. Welcome to another episode. And um, before we get started with my guest and introductions, I just want to make sure listeners understand that today's conversation includes discussions about chronic pain, concussion, recovery, mental health challenges, suicidal thoughts, and life-changing adversity. So if these topics feel difficult or overwhelming for you right now, please take care of yourself first. You're welcome to pause, come back later, or skip this episode entirely because your well-being always comes first. So the information shared in this episode reflects Davis's personal lived experience and should not be considered medical, psychological, or professional advice. Every person's health journey is different. And if you have concerns about your physical, mental health, please seek guidance from appropriate qualified healthcare professionals. So today on the Resilience Movement, I'm joined by Davis Bain, known by many as the pain warrior. So several years ago, Davis experienced a concussion while playing sport, and what followed was a journey of chronic pain, uncertainty, mental health challenges, and the difficult reality of rebuilding when things don't go according to plan. And if you've heard another episode here before, you know that this is, you know, a theme with our speakers and our listeners, that life doesn't always go to plan. So, like many people facing adversity, Davis found himself navigating not only physical symptoms, but also questioning his identity, his purpose, hope, and what comes next when life changes unexpectedly. So today we'll explore his lived experience, the mindset shifts that helped him move forward, the lessons he learned about resilience, and what it means to create a meaningful life, even when circumstances are different from what you could have imagined. So, Davis, welcome, welcome, nice to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

It is a pleasure to be here. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

Um, so I just want to ask you first, off the gate, um for listeners who uh have not met you, who don't know much about you, um meeting you for the first time, tell us a little bit about yourself and what life looked like specifically before your injury.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Yeah, so I was injured at the age of 22. I'm 25 now, so it's been three and a half, almost four years. But before my injury, I was living a pretty high-octane, fast-paced lifestyle. I was an I was a student in mechanical engineering at the University of Minnesota. I was an Air Force ROTC cadet, which just means that I was training to be an officer in the U.S. Air Force. And in my free time, I was hanging out with friends. Uh, a couple of my hobbies that I really loved were anything outside. So mountain biking, hiking, uh, and especially canoe trips. I loved going on these long northern Minnesota, almost at the border of Canada, canoe trips where I'm portaging all my gear and I'm going from lake to lake and sleeping under the stars and uh seeing all sorts of wildlife and having campfires. And uh just to me, it feels like the most primal and beautiful way to live. And so that's just a little bit about me. I I I still love anything outdoors, but uh capacity is a lot less in in every area of my life these days.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

Yeah, and um and let me ask you bears, is there bears where you are?

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Uh there's some bears, they're black bears, and they're pretty small. So it's yeah, they're they're not really a threat. I think in the region I'm talking about, in all of recorded history, there's been two black bear deaths. So I it's very safe, yes.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

Yeah, yeah. Oh, fantastic. So nice at a distance, I would think. Um so Davis, take us back to the day where everything changed for you and and give our listeners a bit of an overview of you know what that was like, you know, an average day of playing sport or and share with listeners that moment that things changed.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Yeah. So as a a little bit of context, it was my senior year. I was in the depths of uh my kind of senior capstone work as an engineering student. I was reaching the end of my Air Force RTC training program and getting ready to commission as an officer. I was nearing the end of all of these things that I had been doing for over three years up to that point. And, you know, the end was in sight, and I was excited. And so this day was uh our our morning workout time. And this day, because we had done very well in a recent fitness assessment, we were given one kind of reward day. It was called the morale day. And what we did was we played different sports that morning as a kind of way to train, but also have fun while doing it. And so we were playing soccer or football outside of the US, and I uh the ball was in the air, and I made a split-second decision to head the soccer ball instead of field it with my chest or let it just hit the ground. Uh, and it's a decision that I um don't really regret in the sense that I uh I had done thousands of headers growing up. I was a soccer player my whole life. I 11 years I played, I loved the sport and had done thousands of headers. Uh, but obviously, considering the consequences of that decision, very much regret it. So initially, after the injury, I kept playing. I really didn't feel any symptoms for the first half hour. And then 30 minutes later, I started to feel very foggy, very slow. I started to feel a headache come on, and I knew something was wrong. Later that day, I slowly walked home. I tried to go to class, but the pain was so much so that I couldn't even sit through a class period and had to go home. And I knew that I had yet another concussion.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

Right. And and so uh, you know, heading the ball is something that you had done before with no, you know, consequences and and here this time. And did you have to reflect on, well, what was different? What did I do differently?

SPEAKER_00 6:43

I thought a lot about that, Donna. I really did. And I can't point to anything that was especially wrong, that poor technique. Uh, any it wasn't like the ball was hundreds of feet in the air, it was probably 15 feet up in the air, so it wasn't very high. It was a pretty low impact. There was nothing about that impact or event that should have caused, you know, three and a half years of intense pain and suffering since then.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

And so you tell me, in the months that follow, what was what was happening for you? What was what was going on in life? And how was that so different from what you had, you know, generally been doing day to day?

SPEAKER_00 7:26

So prior to this injury, I had had nine previous concussions. So I've always been very prone to them. I don't know why, but I have been. Very minor things have always uh have frequently caused concussions. And so I treated this uh the first three weeks to four weeks as I would any other concussion, where I took time to rest. I prioritized sleep, a healthy diet. I didn't do anything that would provoke symptoms like physical activity or uh intense mental work. I was an engineering student, so that had some cognitive demand, but I did as little work as I possibly could to get by. And uh my training program was pretty generous in giving me some time to recover. And so for the first three to four weeks, it was all the same as previous concussions. I wasn't really alarmed. Uh I did feel different, and I can't really explain it. It just felt like the symptoms were different than previous concussions. It wasn't just the headaches, it was this kind of intense brain fog that was there all the time. But I just dismissed it as normal concussion recovery. And then once I hit about week four, I plateaued completely. I totally stopped getting any bit better every day and felt like I was completely stagnant. Like whatever I had was going to stick around for a long time. And as I came to that realization, weeks four, five, six, seven, eight, uh, it scared me. It really did. Because uh, four years prior to this injury for myself, my aunt, who I'm very close to, sustained a concussion and developed post-concussion syndrome. And she suffered immensely. Every day for her was extremely hard. And I watched her through that and did my best to support her, but felt so helpless. So post-concussion syndrome for me was like the one thing I really wanted to avoid.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

Because you already had that fear and that experience of watching someone else go through it. So that was real for you.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

Exactly. And then so weeks four to eight to twelve to sixteen, I slowly had to come to the realization that this was gonna stick around and that I had the same condition that I had dreaded for so long.

SPEAKER_03 9:38

Wow, which is pretty scary. I can uh like I can't imagine what that would have been like for you. But let's talk a bit about identity loss and change. You know, many people experience a loss of identity after major life events. Uh, tell me a bit about that for yourself. Did you experience that?

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

I think as much as I didn't want my identity to be in what I was doing and how productive I was being, it was. I was a uh young college student. I was uh eager to work hard at every single thing that I did and utilize my potential to the maximum possible. I wanted to help other people in a uh in a fierce way where I was working hard to support and help other people. All of my career goals were centered around being there and being a supporter of other people. I had this kind of fierce identity that was rooted in serving others uh from the perspective of I want to work hard and do right by other people and serve them as well as I possibly can. And I was working hard at school, I was very able and uh, you know, using whatever ability I had at school and with the military training and with my outdoors expeditions, I would push my body and my mind uh to the maximum extent possible. And I loved it. I I really did. It was a big part of my identity. And when I didn't have the ability that I once did, it was uh this it was it was a very sudden, unplanned loss of what felt like purpose. And I say that lightly because purpose is beyond what we can do. But if you go from being able to do a lot to all of a sudden being able to do very little and just get by and everything's so much harder, and you don't recognize yourself anymore, and you feel like a prisoner in your own body, it feels like there's just like like what am I to do in that situation? I I felt helpless, I felt like I had had no real uh you know, quantifiable purpose to my life. I was kind of just getting by. I I felt stagnant. And so that was uh one of the tougher parts of feeling like I lost my identity was I I just couldn't do what I used to be able to.

SPEAKER_03 12:01

And is that a sense of did you go through a stage of grief around who you were to who you were now becoming, or you had you still identify, or or were you in a place where you hadn't really identified who you were becoming, but you're not that person anymore? Does that it does my question make sense?

SPEAKER_00 12:23

It does, yes. I there was grief. I it's hard to explain because I I was in denial for a long time. I think for probably the first year, I was endlessly chasing this idea that I could get back everything lost, that I would get all of my health back, and that I would go get to go back to all of my former activities. And not only that, but I would be better at them because of these trials that I was going through. So I was kind of dead set on this belief that I that this would all work out for the better, and then I would get back everything lost, and that my life would look just like it did before, but only better because I have been through this momentary trial of health issues. And I think that was a form of denial where I was not being realistic about what I was doing, about how healthy I was, or wasn't for that matter, and what my real limitations were at the time. And part of that is evidenced by the fact that I took a really difficult full-time engineering job. And I was not able to do it. I really wasn't. I was behind a screen for 40 hours a week, pumping out construction drawings for uh a solar company. And every day I would come home with migraines so bad, I can't even tell you. I I got numb to the migraines at a certain point because it hurt so bad, I just stopped feeling them. I I got so dysregulated. Um so, so sorry, going back to your question, got a little bit sidetracked there, but going back to your question, I put off the grief for a long time. And at about uh the mark of a year to a year and a half, I really started to uh slow down, acknowledge the truth of what was actually happening, and begin the grieving process, which to a degree I still feel the grief every day, but it's not nearly as bad as it was before.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

And so you're saying could because my next question was about acceptance. And and I think I'm hearing you say that when you got to about the year, year and a half, that's when you started to accept this is life now, instead of trying to push and push and push, and it becoming more detrimental to your own personal well-being.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Yeah, I I think acceptance, the way I've felt it and experienced it, acceptance can only come like full acceptance is a byproduct of full grief. So in allowing myself to fully grieve what I was going through, which is both a combination of lamenting what I lost and really acknowledging the things that I had before that I do not have now. So that's like the lament side of grief, but then also gratitude, grateful for the things that I used to have and grateful for the things I still do have, the blessings in my life right now. Uh, in that full grief process, uh, that that allowed for the acceptance. I I think grief is like being surrounded by a dark forest on all sides, and the only way out is through. And so I for the longest time just kind of hid under a rock in the forest and pretended it wasn't there. Yeah. And in due time, and in a lot of uh experiencing the negative fruits of making that decision to hide and run and flee from the grief, I uh realized that I couldn't do that anymore. I faced it. I faced both the uh the gratitude and the uh lament and hardship and real grieving of what I had lost. And that began the process of acceptance because I felt I could actually move on, because I felt I had fully acknowledged and accepted uh what was going on uh in the past and what the future opportunities presented.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

Isn't that an interesting place to get to when you have that moment or moments of gratitude that has such a shift? And I mean, I've experienced that myself with different at different times where when you can be grateful, and I think early on I remember realizing that uh, you know, I I thought I would never be grateful for something that I then became grateful for, and then that was the shift. Was that similar for you?

SPEAKER_01 16:42

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

I I today am grateful for everything I've been through, and I never thought I would be. I was trying to run away from it.

SPEAKER_03 16:51

Yeah. Um, but let's move into mental health and hope. You've spoken openly about struggling with your mental health, feeling suicidal. Looking back now, what do you wish people could understand about that period of your life where you're struggling so much?

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Yeah, it's a great question.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

I I suppose I'll start with what I wish I did, how I wish I responded to it. Um I I wish people knew uh anything about what I was going through because I hid it, because I was ashamed. And so what I wish that I I I wish I just wish people knew how I was doing. Uh, but I was hiding it. I was ashamed of where I was, I was ashamed of how much I was struggling. I felt I shouldn't be suffering or or struggling with mental health as much as I am. And I felt it was this, this like internal battle that I had to fix myself and I had to come up with all these solutions and get out of. It was like a pit that I was stuck in that I felt a lot of shame about, like as if somehow I had dug it for myself when that's not how it works, and that I had to get myself out of it uh when in reality that was impossible. And so I wish I would have been open with my friends and family about where I was at. And you can't tell everyone, like I I'm not gonna go up to some friend that I haven't seen in three years and be like, hey, I'm miserable and really want to, uh, you know, I I don't want to be alive. I I I I am tempted towards suicide right now and I'm having ideations. You you you have to use discretion, you know, but but when you go through something as as tough as a chronic health issue or any real big challenges in life, you learn pretty quick who you can trust. And I wish I would have let those people in so that when they asked, How are you doing? I wish I would have said, I'm really struggling. And I am really struggling with my mental health, and I'm in a pretty rough spot. And I wish I would have just been honest because then it allows that friend to be a supportive presence. It allows that friend to help in a way that they uh can can see the clear issue now, and it allows me to not go through it alone, which uh isolation and shame are uh just uh echo chambers for mental health issues. So that's I think the biggest thing.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Yeah, and I hear you say um, you know, you've mentioned shame and guilt, and now you've mentioned isolation, and which is part of the shame and guilt. And I learned a long time ago through Brene Brown's work about shame and guilt being, you know, too very powerful, and anger being powerful emotions that that are so negative that have such an impact. And and can I ask you this question? If you think back to when you weren't sharing how you were really doing, um, first let me say that when people say how are you doing, you know who those people are who are genuinely asking, and those people who are saying it because that's what we say a lot, how how are you doing, but we really don't want to know the answer. So I think uh I'm not sure if you feel the same, but you kind of know who they are. Um, but then it comes to what was the story before you then did tell people how you're feeling. What was the story you were telling yourself that didn't allow you to share?

SPEAKER_00 20:29

That's a great question. The the kind of lie or story that I was believing was that uh this is just a little small momentary struggle, and I'll get out of it. Uh I'll figure it out. This is on me. Uh, I caused this, I have to get out of it. Uh, and uh to a degree there was a lot of self-denial. I I wasn't thinking that I was as bad as I was uh until I got to a few points that really scared me. And so I was in denial, I was hiding how I was feeling. I was not allowing the feelings of depression, I was not allowing the feelings of anxiety, I was running away from them as far and as fast as I could with whatever I could find. I was impulsively chasing the next exciting thing, even though I couldn't handle it. Like my health just what I needed was rest, and I uh was was chasing nonstop to get my mind off of how I was doing.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

And just pushing and pushing and pushing yourself, yeah. So when things were at their darkest, what helped you um come back to yourself instead of going to worst case scenario, what helped you stay?

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Yeah, so I it was this strange paradox where I absolutely did not want suicide. Like I did not want it. I what I wanted most of all was to get was to find a path through the suffering I was facing. And I've heard that from all. Lot of my friends who have also experienced suicidal thoughts and ideations is that they don't want that. That's not like their heart's desire. They want to find a way through it. It just feels impossible. And so given that it felt impossible and I felt like I tried everything and I was in such a rough spot. I I just I I couldn't help but be tempted towards that. It wasn't like I was uh taking active step toward steps towards suicide, but it was the greatest temptation in my life, greater than even like cravings for food. Uh it it it felt like the greatest temptation in my life. And uh what really helped me realize that I had a genuine problem was a couple of moments that scared me. Uh there were just a couple nights where I uh I won't go into details, but I just I I felt I couldn't trust myself. I I knew that the later I stayed up, uh, the more likely I was to make an impulsive decision uh and and that that would have some drastic consequences.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

Yeah, that sleep deprivation and the the constant thinking and ruminating on those feelings. And yeah, that's um that's a very difficult place to be in. So and and tell me, what role did family support play out for you during that time?

SPEAKER_00 23:17

So my darkest night, I I was scared of myself. And I I thank God that I had this realization to uh to to reach out for help because I knew that I it was kind of one of those brutal realizations where I knew I couldn't do it on my own. I all of the all of the denial that I was going through and pretending that I was fine, and all of that was wiped, you know, was wiped clean. And I was like, I need help and I need help quickly. So at like 11:30 p.m., I texted like 20 people, close friends, close family, trusted people. And probably 10 of them either didn't reply or replied a few days later and miss it. But but 10 out of the 20 people that I texted either responded urgently that night, uh, and one of them was my roommate who immediately came downstairs and and just sat with me. And he and I he prayed for me. And uh I can't even tell you that it it could have been that moment of of breaking, you know, where I just realized that I needed help, or it it could have been something supernatural from God where uh that desire was just taken from me. But that was truly the beginning of of healing, where I reached out to friends and family. I as much as it hurt my parents and my brothers and my closest friends to hear how how rough of a place I was in, uh, it was the beginning of healing. And and that temporary pain that I caused them and their worry for me uh was necessary uh for helping me to get out of that pit and uh to start taking steps towards healing in community because I did not have the strength or ability or knowledge or uh you know what I was doing on my own wasn't working, so I needed help. And that was the beginning.

SPEAKER_03 25:07

And did anyone get mad at you for not telling them?

SPEAKER_00 25:13

A lot of people were very sad that they didn't know. Yeah, I wouldn't say anger, but a lot of people just did feel hurt. Yeah, they they felt hurt and that was hard too, because I felt like I I was going through such a tremendous battle, and then all of a sudden, you know, trying to fight it and trying to take care of it myself and trying to protect my loved ones from the burden of of how bad my health was and where I was mentally. Sorry, excuse me. No, you're good. Um and I felt like then I hurt them. But in hindsight, that hurt is a hundred percent worth it because it meant me getting help and support.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

So the listeners who may be supporting someone with chronic pain or mental health challenges, what helped most and what wasn't helpful?

SPEAKER_00 26:13

As far as supporting uh for listeners who are trying to support someone else, I think the most helpful thing uh was is is in short, listening, but in long, a few practical ways to help with that are uh just sitting there and not having to force conversation when conversation isn't needed, just sit there.

SPEAKER_03 26:39

Things people sitting in the silence.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

Yeah, just just sit there in the silence and be patient. If they don't want to talk, they won't talk. And they might just need someone to sit there and without words, say, I love you, I'm here for you, and I am gonna be there for you no matter what. Um, it and if if they do want to talk, ask open-ended questions. Don't ask questions like, uh, I heard that treatment was going well. Is that still going great? Like that forces an answer almost. You want to ask questions like, can you tell me about what it's like on a good day? Can you tell me about what it's like on a bad day? How does it feel to go to work with your condition? What is it like to, you know, wake up every morning with this condition? Uh what does it feel like when you're having a, you know, like when you're having a really bad day? How was that event that we went to last week? How how did that affect your health? Like how how did you feel when we were at that concert? Uh things like this.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

Yeah. Because it it gives them the gift of the dignity of an answer. Uh you don't want to ask any question that forces or suggests an answer. Uh, you will support their dignity by uh allowing them the true gift of giving their own freeform answer that they are the author of.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

Yeah, I mean, uh having people genuinely wanting to hear and wanting to just sit with you. I think sitting in the silence is something that um people don't always know how to do. And also people don't know what to say, right? Or they think they have to say something, um, whereas that's not what you're you're often asking for, is it?

SPEAKER_00 28:31

No. And I think people have this uh problem-solving mindset where they, in love for this person, want to solve problems. And some problems, like health issues, are beyond uh like say Donna, I was sitting with you and trying to help you through a tough time that you were having. Uh, a lot of the times health issues are not something that I, as a supporter, can can solve, fix. Um, and and even if I do have things to share, like potential therapies or whatever, I am going to be very careful and hesitant to share. And I'm going to ask beforehand, could I share a suggestion with you which could help take it or leave it? You know, like I'm going to be very humble about suggesting fixes because uh the best thing a supporter can do is be there amidst the pain and the struggle and the difficulty and all of the chaos and the unknown and the uh just the the endless grief. Uh be there for that. Don't try and end that on behalf of someone else because you probably can't, considering uh how complicated the human body and mind are.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

Yeah, and not one person is the same. You know, everybody's experience is so different. And um, that yeah, that that's something uh you meant you touched on something which is asking someone, um, permission-based communication, I call that. Um, I've used that for a very, very long time. I can still fall into the trap of suggesting things, thinking I'm doing the right thing. But uh a lot of the time, even with my adult children, I might say, Well, can I make a suggestion? Or my daughter might ring me up and say, Mom, I need your advice. And I'm like, Do you really want my advice? Or would you like me to just listen? And they go, No, no, no, I just I want your advice. So we, you know, to to be able to communicate in a way that is appropriate for the person who who is talking and needing that support. Um, is not always an easy thing, is it, Davis?

SPEAKER_00 30:36

No, I I I give this advice, I uh, you know, t tell it, shout it from the rooftops, you know, exactly what I just told you. And then I find myself just throwing out a suggestion for someone. And I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm such a hypocrite. It's it's just really hard because you have so much love for someone else.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

Yeah, I think a better thing to say is you're human. And it's people do. Um, can I ask you about your turning point? You know, um, can you identify that moment where you your mindset really started to shift?

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Yeah. I I think it was a slow process of gradual steps. I I can't identify one single moment because uh a lot of the times I felt like I was taking a step in the right direction and on the upper trajectory, then something would happen, like with a work attempt or a treatment that I tried where it's all of a sudden going really bad, and then I have to re-kind of reorient and it's felt like this where it's up and down and up and down and left and right. And so I think the the overall you know progression has been like this up and down, but slowly, just a little bit more up, and even sometimes way back down, but then back up again. Yeah. Um, and so I'm trying like trying to think as far as mindset shifts go, um, one of the biggest things was uh trying to build small habits and and thinking with a short-term mentality. So instead of obsessing over the idea of having perfect health again, thinking, what is one thing I can do today to make my health just a little bit better? And that's been an immensely helpful resource, both physical health and mental health for me. Uh, and and there's a few tips I can share on both of those if you'd like.

SPEAKER_03 32:31

Yeah, for sure. Because I that that was actually my next question, which is about beliefs and habits and and what needs to change. And and I know um, you know, one of them for me when I was um, you know, going through something was I just want to sleep better. Like if I could just sleep better, that would be a good next step, you know. Um, so I hear what you're saying. So share with the the listeners, you know, beliefs or habits that you needed to change.

SPEAKER_00 33:01

Yeah. So it went from if I could just work full time and enjoy a social life, you know, like that's quite the big jump. Yeah. So it went from that to if I could just uh control if I could just uh you know eat as healthy as I can today, you know, with the knowledge I have, with with the access to food that I have, if I could just eat healthier today than I did yesterday and take some meaningful steps towards reducing systemic inflammation in my body, that will help me just feel a little bit better. It's not going to take anything away, but it will just help to take to make things a little bit better. So for me, it was a few things. Again, take this with a grain of salt. I can't ask listeners' permission to share this, but uh, take this with a grain of salt. Everyone's different. But for me, it started uh one of the things with sleep consistency. So I realized that it's in my control to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time, every night and every morning. And I realized that that can have tremendous effects for regulating the nervous system and the entire body's healing process. I realized that I could eat a salad before my lunch and my dinner, which helps regulate glucose because you're getting fiber into your stomach. Uh, and that fiber slows digestion and regulates blood glucose levels. So I was like, I can do that. I can eat a little salad before my lunch and my dinner. That's something small. Uh, I can um I can do a little bit of exercise every day. I can just go for a 10-minute walk. I for the longest time I've had exercise intolerance where I get really bad symptoms when I exercise, which is such a paradox because I know how good exercise is both for the brain, which is the biggest issue for me and the body.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

And it's felt so helpless. But I can go for a 10-minute walk. I don't have to go for a 20-minute. I can go for a 10-minute walk in the mornings when it's cool. I can do that. And mental health-wise, I can I cannot isolate myself. I can I can share with one person today how how bad my symptoms are and ways that I practically need help. I can ask for help from people that I know love me and want to help, but don't know how. I'm solving that problem by asking for help because then they know how to help me. They can go get groceries for me, they can provide a little bit of financial assistance, they can uh I had friends house me for a few months. Like whatever help I need, I don't think there should be any shame in asking for it because we're simply presenting others with an opportunity to help who probably do want to help already but don't know how.

unknown 35:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

I can yeah, I I can journal for two minutes today. I can write down a couple sentences which sum up how I'm feeling and and the the questions and issues I'm facing.

SPEAKER_03 35:58

I'm a huge advocate for journaling. I think that that plays a significant part in getting stuff out of your head. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Absolutely. Because getting it on paper takes it from these jumble thoughts, which feel like they're bouncing around like a pinball machine, yeah, to oh, it's just right there. And it becomes a lot less scary and a lot more manageable. So I I love journaling. I will forever advocate for writing and journaling. It's it's a beautiful way to process things. Yeah. So I mean, those are just a few examples of specific tips, uh, both for physical health and mental health, but small things that I did that uh ended up really adding up over time as they formed into habits. And uh it was very easy to continue them because I was used to it. You know, I just I would get up, I would go outside for a little walk, I would eat a salad before lunch, before dinner. It's just easy once you build a habit. But especially for people that are in the midst of a chronic health condition recovery or just getting by. Sometimes we're not recovering, we're just kind of making it by, just trying to get through. Uh I think there ought to be a high sense of responsibility over uh forming little habits to help.

SPEAKER_03 37:09

Yeah, I think, you know, when we can find those little things that make us as an individual feel better. So, you know, like you were saying, what works for for you may not work for someone else. Um, I know for me, even yesterday it's quite cold here in Canberra, and I just did not feel like going for a walk. Um, but my dog pestered me until I did, and then I felt better afterwards, you know. I I did that walk and and I did the full walk that I normally do because I said, Oh, I'm only going to go for a few minutes. And yeah, it it changes your mindset. So everybody um it really needs to find what works for them. Uh, but you have to, I guess, give a lot of things a go before you find what really works for you. So and can I ask you when um you you spoke a little bit about nutrition, exercise, mindset, um, to ensure your well-being, but when symptoms flare up and it's and you know you have really difficult days, what helps you stay grounded?

SPEAKER_00 38:23

On really bad days, I reach out for help, even to this day. I my symptoms have gotten better, but I still have really bad days. And so I will reach out to a trusted mentor or a friend and just give shoot them a text, say, Hey, can I give you a call? It's a rough day. Yeah. And it really helps me to have someone else who knows me well and I trust, not just someone, but someone that I trust that knows my symptoms and knows my struggles, that can encourage me, remind me of true things that I need to hear. Uh help me to realize that it's okay if today isn't productive. Help me to realize that I, you know, I I don't have to be as capable as I was yesterday. And uh I can take care of my basic needs and and slow down my day and uh miss miss certain tasks that I was hoping to get done. So reaching out for help from someone else, I think is the biggest thing. Journaling, like you said, can be so very therapeutic and so helpful. And sometimes, at least with post-concussion syndrome, uh mental health issues are very common because it's damage and dysregulation of the central nervous system. And so it just dysregulates everything, yeah, to include hormonal regulation, emotions, etc. And so I another thing that helps me be grounded is to just go for a little walk. It really helps with anxiety, just to get outside, get moving, move forward. Like literally, the movement of forward is helpful for mental emotional processing because you are moving through something. It's not stagnant, you don't feel stuck. You are uh seeing the trees and the houses pass by you can be so therapeutic because you can feel like you can process those emotions in a forward-moving and productive way. So there are a couple, a couple things, but you know, three and a half, four years, you develop quite the repertoire of tools to to try and regulate and help. I there's a variety of supplements that I'll take on bad days. There's a variety of uh, you know, just things that I try and do. Uh, you know, sometimes I'll drink a cup of coffee in the afternoon and it really helps to reduce my inflammation in my brain. So condition-specific things to me, but on the overall, uh centering myself on with other people, going for a walk, uh, asking for help where I need it. And then uh for me, I I I really appreciate reading the Bible. That's something that that really helps me stay grounded as well.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

Yeah. So everyone's just really got to find their own. And I like that you mentioned tool bag because I've often talked about creating your own tool bag for your own well-being. Um, and sometimes it takes a little while to figure out what those tools are for you, but it's important to have them that you can tap into um anytime you need to. So what have you learned about resilience that you that you feel um most people might misunderstand?

SPEAKER_00 41:32

Resilience is not the immediate uh I guess what I'm trying to say is it it is not the lack of suffering. Resilience is the reaction to suffering.

SPEAKER_03 41:49

How you respond to what's happening.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

Yes. So I think resilience is a combination of courage and responsibility to respond well. It is uh the courage to be honest about what you're facing and the responsibility to respond to it, uh the best way you know how in that moment and uh the the the courage to to take action uh when you need to take action. Yeah, I like it. So I mean that's off the cuff and that's pretty you know high-level ethereal, but uh that's something that I've learned about resilience.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

So let's talk now about creating a new life. So, what would you say to someone who's spending all of their energy trying to get their old life back instead of creating a new one?

SPEAKER_01 42:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:46

I would say that we are not promised health, wealth, prosperity, and we're not promised that we can get uh back the health we had before when we have chronic issues. So some people that I know have had a really bad health incident in their lives and they got back to almost 100% recovery, and that's a blessing. And there's nothing wrong with pursuing that, with taking action steps towards that, uh, with pursuing treatment options and health optimization and self-development and doing all of these things to try and help. Uh, but at the end of the day, we're not guaranteed that. There's no way we can we can guarantee uh anything in this life. Like I have a very sober understanding that I'm not guaranteed tomorrow. And so, Donna, I think about it like I I could only have today, and I want to be grateful for today. It's I have a roof over my head, I have food in my fridge, and it's a beautiful sunny day here in Colorado. I I got to see the mountains this morning. I have friends and family that love me, that I love too. I get to see them. Yeah, I I have a part time job. Uh I'm I'm great. And my health may not ever be what it once was. And that's okay. I I don't know how to say it without sounding condescending. I don't want to be condescending at all, but I had this attitude for a long time that I deserve or I have earned, or in some way, shape, or form am owed, you know, the health that I had lost once. And that I suppose the truth is that I'm I was never guaranteed that. I was never uh there was there's nothing about life that guarantees the absence of pain and suffering. Yeah. And it's it's a core facet of human life. It's it's the only universal for every person is suffering. Uh, you know, aside from the basics.

SPEAKER_03 44:48

But I think you've just answered a question for me, which was, what does a meaningful life look like today? And I think you just beautifully answered that. Um Yeah, I think I I don't think there's any more I can say on that. That that is, you know, understanding that we are not promised tomorrow. So um if someone listening feels trapped in pain, loss, uncertainty, or circumstances they didn't choose, what is there one thing that you would want them to know other than we're not promised tomorrow?

SPEAKER_00 45:27

Um you need other people. You need support, you need help. I have had a lot of friends that I've reached out to help for earnestly and honestly in a rough spot that haven't responded well. And that was really hard because I felt like I was bearing my soul to this person. Yeah. And they they I felt like they took my soul and stomped on it. Not intentionally, but they just didn't know how to respond. And then other people have responded with tremendous love, empathy, encouragement, and practical support. So if someone truly feels trapped, the way out of it is typically not I need to do it myself. It's typically I and my support team need to have a sober understanding of where I'm at now and take action steps towards where I need to be. And so uh I've felt trapped at times before and at a lot of the times with counsel from others and just trusting my gut. Another thing is trust your gut. I I was working a job as that engineer, like I was talking about. My identity was so wrapped up in being an engineer and earning and trying to fight for this loss potential that I was blind to how devastating the job was on my health and my mental health and just overall well-being. I I think in that job, I gained 50 pounds in six months. And by the end of it, I went from never having ever considered suicide to uh being actively like struggling daily with multiple instances of suicidal ideations and being scared of myself. So I I I you know I had to trust my gut and quit that job, even though I didn't want to, even though it was so hard and I felt like my eyes were cloudy with this vid, like I couldn't see how harmful it was until I did, until I trusted my gut and stepped out of it. Uh, but trust your gut. Uh it if if you have to take an action that is uh potentially crazy to other people, that isn't responsible, that doesn't look right, that peep that is against the advice you've been given. Like I was told, don't quit this job without another one lined up. Like I was told all these good, you know, generally good pieces of advice that I just did totally didn't listen to. And I'm so glad I didn't. I trusted my gut and I got out of that job. And it gave me the time and space to really debrief how bad that was, learn about myself better, and take a couple months off work to recover and try to get back to a sense of who am I and how can I get some health back?

SPEAKER_03 48:05

And is that um so my next question, which I think you you have really um answered already, but it was if uh what is one truth that you wish you had shared with yourself? Sorry, what is one truth that you wish someone had shared with you at the beginning of your journey? Would that be trust your gut, or is there something more?

SPEAKER_00 48:30

I think uh yes, and everything I've shared up to this point would have been nice to know. Um but another thing is that failure is part of the process.

SPEAKER_02 48:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:44

So I I worked, I think I've tried eight different jobs since I got this injury, and seven of them have had really drastically bad consequences on my health. Right. They they looked like they were gonna be good. I talked to friends and family, I did my diligence, I thought about ways to make it work, I thought about how I was gonna manage my health. I uh was getting treatment, I was doing supplement regimes, I was doing everything I possibly could to make that job work. And seven out of eight of them have had drastic consequences. And I felt so much shame and like a complete failure for even trying, but also not figuring out how to make my health better up to that point. I don't know. And so I think in an effort to reduce that shame, I would say that failure is inevitable. And it it to me, I think of living with a chronic condition as riding a bike blindfolded. Initially, it's hard. You don't know where you're going, uh, but then you start to get the hang of it, you start to pick up speed, you might hit a curb here and there. It's hard, but you get through it, and then all of a sudden you hit a brick wall. And there's nothing that you did to cause that. It's the fact that you're riding a bike with a blindfold on. It's it's living with a chronic health condition has aspects of it that are just impossible. And you can't control every factor. The human body is beyond the full comprehension of modern medicine. It is so beautifully complex, uh, but also so uh mysteriously complex in that we can't fully understand what causes uh this unique set of symptoms. Everybody, every person is one of one, like you were saying earlier. And I I think that the way out, not out, but the way through that I've found is uh with creativity, courage, time, effort, and a lot of failure, which I call learning.

SPEAKER_03 50:48

So yeah, I look like I think failure is feedback, you know. Uh, but I do like one adjustment you made where you said you you are moving through, um, which I think is quite beautiful. And um so this is a signature question that I ask, Davis. It's if resilience is a muscle, what are the daily practices that help keep your resilience strong?

SPEAKER_00 51:16

So I need to be better at it, but the little things like making my bed, yeah, the the discipline of uh because resilience is a combination of things. But if I discipline myself enough to make my bed every day, then I will be better set up to handle tremendous challenges later in the day or next week.

SPEAKER_02 51:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:39

The the slow habit building gives feedback from my mind and body, which are extremely healthy, uh, in that I can take action to uh you know achieve some results. So even maintaining the habits that I have built, which is hard work, it's not easy. There's a lot of responsibility and ownership that goes into it. But uh those are some daily practices that for me uh just generally support resilience. I don't know if it necessarily built it, but it it supports my ability to be resilient. Yeah um trying to think of one more thing. I like to find challenges for myself, not challenges that are gonna hurt me, but challenges that are going to push me to a healthy degree. It's easy to want to cocoon myself in a bubble of comfort, wrap myself in bubble wrap, and not go try anything risky. It's hard for me to take risks, and it's easy for me to use my bad health as an excuse to not try something hard. Yeah. But difficulty and adversity in short, healthy amounts are key for growth, and growth is so beneficial in all facets of life.

SPEAKER_03 52:50

Yeah, look, we're all growing all the time, aren't we? Davis, thank you for sharing your story with such honesty and vulnerability. I really appreciate that. Your journey is a powerful reminder of why adversity may change our lives, but it doesn't have to define our future. So sometimes resilience isn't about getting back to who we were, it's about discovering who we're capable of becoming. So I want to thank you and thank the listeners for again joining us today. And um, I will also put the link to your book in the bottom of the podcast notes for those who would like to grab a copy of that. So, again, thank you very much, Davis. I really appreciate your time.

SPEAKER_00 53:35

Thank you so much for having me, Donna. It's been a pleasure.