Turning the Page: A Conversation with Coach Briggs

There are some conversations that stay with you long after the microphone is turned off.

This episode of The Resilience Movement Podcast is one of those conversations.

I am incredibly grateful to welcome Coach Alesia Briggs - Executive Coach, Managing Director, advocate, and now published author of Finding the Off Switch. Together, we explore what it means to navigate life's hardest chapters with courage, grace, and an unwavering commitment to keep turning the page.

Alesia openly shares her journey through serious health challenges, including a spinal cord implant, two heart attacks, and advocating for her son's health, while reflecting on how these experiences reshaped her identity, leadership, and purpose.

This isn't just a conversation about resilience. It's about finding your voice when it matters most, rebuilding your identity after life changes course, and discovering that even in the most difficult seasons, there is always another page waiting to be written.

A heartfelt thank you to Alesia for her honesty, vulnerability, and generosity in sharing her story. I know her words will encourage, challenge, and inspire listeners around the world.

Connect with Coach Briggs

🌐 Website: www.coachbriggs.com

📖 Finding the Off Switch – available through her website.

Connect with The Resilience Movement

🌐 Website: https://theresiliencemovement.com.au

🎧 If this conversation resonated with you, please follow The Resilience Movement Podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Every follow, review, and share helps us reach more people who are rebuilding their identity, strengthening their resilience, and creating a life of purpose.

Thank you for being part of our growing community. ❤️

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Well, hello and welcome to another podcast for the resilience movement. My name's Donna Molds. I'm your host, and I've got a beautiful guest here, Alicia Briggs. And I can't wait to dive into some questions I have, but let me just share a bit of information about Alicia so that you know who we're diving into this podcast with. So Alicia is an executive coach, founder of Briggs Consulting, and is a published author of Finding the Off Switch. So currently serving as a managing director in a Fortune 500 company. She brings over 20 years of experience in consulting, coaching, and leadership across financial services, life sciences, and beyond. Holding two master's degrees in leadership and education, over 20 certifications, including coaching certifications and master trainer credentials in leadership development. Alicia coaches leaders from first-time managers through to C-suite executives. And, you know, but what her credentials do not capture is what she has lived. So a spinal called implant at a young age, two heart attacks, and the experience of fighting for medical answers for her own son have shaped her into the depth of understanding about resilience, advocacy, and identity that no qualifications can teach. And Alicia knows firsthand that leadership is not just what happens in the boardroom, it's what happens when your body, your family, and your certainty about who you are all get tested at once. She wrote finding the off switch because she believes that no matter what chapters you are in, there's always another page. She's here today because the resilience movement resonated and she wanted to share her story with you. So let me welcome you. Welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Thank you so much, Donna. I really appreciate you having me. I'm looking forward to our conversation today.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Oh, and I've got some great questions to ask you. But you know what? Like every guest on the resilience movement, if there's anything you want to ask, if there's anything that you want to share that I don't ask, you feel free to do that because our listeners will just appreciate you sharing your lived experience. So thank you. Um, let me dive into the first question. So, you know, Alicia, your bio is impressive on paper, two master's degrees, over 20 qualifications, certifications, executive coach, founder of Briggs Consulting, managing director. But before we go anywhere near your professional life, I want to know who you are as a person, how you describe yourself to someone who has never heard of Coach Briggs.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Great question. So I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I'm someone who's been rebuilding my identity my whole life. And what I do now is built from theory, but really carved through experience. And so that may be personal experiences through the health crises that I've navigated. It could be through navigating tough corporate environments, and it can also be navigating just life as we know it. And as a wife, friend, coworker, you name it, that is who Coach Briggs is.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Yeah. And I don't want to, I don't want you to minimize this. Like two heart attacks. Yes. I'm not sure that these are just health challenges. They're, you know. Um, like that must have been super scary. And, you know, uh when you say like that was later in life, you had two two heart attacks. So most people would shut down after one. What happened inside you the first time? And then when it happened again, share with us what was what was that like.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

So the first time I actually went back into where I used to be personally when my nerve disorder started, which was isolation, where I feel like so many people dealing with chronic pain go to. And what I mean by that is I actually didn't know I was having a heart attack. I thought I was having major indigestion. I thought I was going to throw up or pass out. And I didn't want anybody to hear, I didn't want anybody to see. So I actually locked myself in the bathroom and passed out. Um, and I did not even tell anybody. I went to the gym the next morning and I couldn't really function. Like I was really just exhausted. I couldn't lift the weights I wanted to lift. I couldn't do the things I would normally do. And it was actually my trainer who finally, after the camp, you know, was talking to me about it. And he's like, What's going on? And I told him, and he used to be a firefighter. And Donna, he looked at me and he goes, You're an idiot. Like go to the hospital right now. And I didn't know, you know, I was like, What do you, what do you mean? And when I when you asked like what happened inside of me, it was just this constant, this can't be happening. So like this, this isn't real. So I did not go to the hospital. I said, I'll go to urgent care. And so I went to urgent care. And same thing, the doctor looked at me and said, You're an idiot. Like, what are what are you, why are you here and not in in the ER? I'm calling an ambulance. And even then, I said, No, I don't want to take an ambulance. You can call my husband, he can pick me up because they wouldn't let me drive myself anywhere. Yeah. Um, you know, and so ultimately went to the hospital and found out that in fact I was having an active heart attack. And what happened after that, I spent a couple of days in the hospital when they ran tests and kind of the thread throughout my life was they had a hard time actually diagnosing what and why. And so they sent me home. And about a week later is when I had my second one. So it's very soon after. Wow. And what I will say that was different, because you asked what was different. The first one, I moved into my old self of I can fix this. No one needs to know. My second one, push through. My second one was I need help. I can't do this alone. I now have kids to think about. I have a husband to think about, I need help and I need support. And so what changed from the first to the second was I called in reinforcements. I called my mother-in-law, she was here within the day and actively helping to take care of my kids so I could focus on what I needed to focus on. And that was me figuring out what was next.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Wow. I mean, uh, you hear of people having heart attacks, but you don't often hear of people having two heart attacks. So, you know, um that's just incredible. And it must have been incredibly scary because uh I know for me as a mum, when something's happening, you are first thinking about your children and oh my god, what if something happens to me? Who's going to take care of them? And you know, so a lot of things go through our heads, but you know, unfortunately, we do kind of push on. So when your body repeatedly puts you into some survival mode, like how does that change your relationship with yourself, with control, and with what you really think you're capable of?

SPEAKER_00 7:12

I think the the what all of the different components have taught me is exactly what you just said. It's actually not about pushing through. I used to think that my body was the enemy, something to override, right? Something to beat versus learning that my body's actually the messenger and it's sending me a message that I need to listen to. Now that's not to say lay down and don't do anything, even though when I was actively having my heart attacks, there were many days where, you know, I because it went on for a while where I could only lay in bed. And doing something that day meant having conversations with my kids, reading a book with them, having them come lay next to me and actively having conversations was a lot. And what's interesting is it was mostly because of the amount of medication that I was on to ensure that I didn't have another one. Um, but I when your body is in constant survival mode, I think one of the things that is the most important for anyone to remember, and myself, I tell myself this even now, is what is one thing I can do today that takes me one step forward? One thing that takes me one step forward for what matters to the people that matter in my life.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Oh, I like that for what matters to the people who matter in my life. Oh, that's beautiful. Um, yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Well, I think I think because so often we think, especially as women, I'll say as women, we want to be everything to everyone.

unknown 8:43

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

And we're right. And and I and I and I think it's a very hard lesson and something that I am actually very extremely proud of myself that I have learned even more recently, that when I think about my friends and the people I have in my ecosystem and around me, my neighbors are some of the most incredible people in this world. Just because I don't want to hang out with you after work on a Friday night, if everybody's getting together in the cul-de-sac and having a beer, it doesn't mean I don't love you. And it doesn't mean that I don't care for you. If I don't have the energy, because I had to be in my office all day, right? At work or with my kids. There are some days where me showing up means I'm at your game, but I'm at your game and then I'm coming straight home because I need to go to bed because I can tell that a flare-up's coming, or I can tell my body's not okay. And so I think that that's where when I say what matters for the people who matter in your life is ensuring that they know that you care about them. It doesn't change how you feel about them, but this is a choice that you have to make for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

And and it's you you say, like as women, we don't listen to these things because we soldier on and we push through, and you know, and so that's not something uh I know for me, it's not something that came easily for me over the last two years. I've had to deal with um nervous system dysregulation and and things, and I've had to listen to those things and not push through because that just made it worse. Um yeah, it is, but it's hard, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 10:19

It's really hard. And it's it's yeah, it's really hard. And you know, I I've been super blessed that I I have worked with some incredible therapists throughout my life as well. When I had postpartum depression, one of the most critical takeaways that I still have to challenge myself on today is she asked me, what do you not uniquely have to be involved in to still get something done? And what that means to me is especially during times where I am overwhelmed or I am dealing with something from a medical perspective, maybe I don't spend an hour at the grocery store because I place a grocery order. Maybe it's having a college student in my neighborhood come and watch my kids for an hour so I can take a nap. Right. It's what are some of those things that you don't have to uniquely be a part of to give yourself some space to take care of yourself? And I I think that's such a critical question for us as women to think about because our automatic answer is, well, that's me. Like I need to be the one that does it.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Yep. Yep. And so what would you say to listeners who are really starting to understand this and and move into that place? And, you know, where you say place a grocery order or arrange something so that you can take a nap and rest so that you are able to function in a better way. You know, uh everyone individually will find their own things that they could possibly do. But when guilt comes in, because you know, I'm sure it did for you, it does for me, because I should be doing it. What do you say to yourself? What do you do to just let go of that guilt?

SPEAKER_00 12:07

There's always tomorrow. And and I know that that sounds kind of probably like a throwaway answer, but to the guilt question. I used to think that to be a good mom, as an example, meant I had to actively be outside throwing a ball with my kids. I had to actively be playing a board game. I had to actively XYZ. And what I've just learned through the crises that I've been through is that what really matters to them is that I'm there for the moments that matter. And so when I say there's always tomorrow, maybe you can't do that thing today, but you could maybe do it tomorrow when you have more energy. Maybe it's even a month from now.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

One decision you make today doesn't mean that you can't do it another day. And so I think the guilt is where is the guilt coming from? Is it because you have an expectation of yourself versus the expectation of what doing that would actually do again for someone or a commitment that you made?

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Yeah, yeah. Beautiful. I love that. I love that. Thank you. Um, so my next question. So when when you're thinking about advocating for yourself and your children, you had to have a fight for yourself inside medical systems that are not always designed to listen. So, what does self-advocacy actually look like when the stakes are high and you're the patient?

SPEAKER_00 13:38

The first and most important thing to me when it comes to advocacy in the medical community is, and especially I'm going back to as women, you don't owe anyone anything. What I mean by that is if you don't feel like you're getting the answers you need, if you don't feel like your questions are getting answered, even if you feel like they are, but you want a second opinion, that's okay. There is nothing wrong with getting a second opinion. So that is just number one, not necessarily about advocacy, other than that is you you need to advocate for yourself to find another doctor. And I know every medical system is different depending on where you are in the world, but that is that is first and foremost. The second part is the hardest part about being a patient, you have the least amount of energy, typically when you need the most clarity. When you are in a doctor's office, you are trying to react and respond to their questions last minute, you're trying to think of things on your feet most of the time. And that's when you need to have the most clarity. So I actually steal a framework that I use in corporate for as a patient. And so I think about it from this framework in four different parts. The first is translate. Speak their language, not yours. We have the world of AI. So what does that mean? I don't mean speak doctor language, but what I do mean is translate. Think about what they're gonna ask you. There is nothing wrong with you asking Claude, Chat GPT, whatever you use, and say, act as an orthopedic surgeon, what questions are they gonna ask me? So that then you can prepare your answers to be specific, to be able to explain what you're feeling, what you're doing in that way, and write it down so you have it there, so you're not having to think about it in the moment. So, number one, translate, speak their language. Number two is be specific. Vague questions will get you vague answers. So think about what questions do you want to ask? What questions does your spouse or partner have? What questions do your friends have? What questions do your family have? And again, with writing it down. The third is anticipate resistance. So if you know or you're thinking, because typically we know if we're gonna ask our doctor, hey, I want to try this medication, they're gonna have objectives. How are you gonna handle that? Are you gonna follow up with questions? Do you maybe have some different thoughts around it? How do you want to handle the objections that you think they might have? And then the last thing that I that I really like to think about from the framework is holding your ground on the right things. What are your non-negotiables? Are there certain medications you won't take? Are there certain treatments you refuse to do first? Thinking about those things ahead of time is going to prepare you to have the most clarity and to have the appointment and be able to advocate for yourself in that moment so you're not sitting there like a deer with the headlights. So translate, speak their language, make your ask specific, write down your questions, anticipate their resistance and how you want to respond and hold your ground and know you're non-negotiables. Yeah. That's really well said.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

And because, you know, when we when we stop using our intuition, we sometimes let go of that um, I guess, ability to ask questions. We we just trust that somebody else knows what they're talking about. But if it doesn't feel right for you, you're right. You've got to ask those questions, you've got to challenge those things and go, yeah, but can you tell me more about this? And and never be afraid to ask of the side effects, you know.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Yes, yes. Yeah, and and it's so interesting. So I even bring a little card for myself. So I'll say a little secret here. I actually have Chat GPT or Claude or whatever again, like make me a little list of questions that I can ask in a response to something. Because to your point, like if if they ask me, do you want to take this medication? I want to ask, well, can I hallucinate? What are the different things that that can happen? What are my other options? Is this the first option? Is there a second option? Right. Being able to have some of those questions ready to ask and knowing that you can just kind of reinforces you to be able to do that in that moment where we're oftentimes trained to just say, okay, and walk out.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Yeah. And I think that's been the, you know, historically we have done that because we've we've just trusted. But there's so many things that can happen and everybody reacts differently to different things. And, you know, um, we won't dive into the deep, dark, depth hole of menopause, but you know, every woman is reacting differently to different things. So um absolutely. Then you had to move into advocating for your son. Uh, there's a different kind of fear that comes with advocating for your children, you know, when when you are the one that has to be strong. So when you started advocating for your son, what was that like I think I'd actually go back to being honest and saying I actually wasn't advocating for him initially.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

Right. Tell me what I'm saying. And that was, yeah, that was that was a slap in the face because I didn't realize I was not doing that. And the reason why is because of my history and all of my medical situations and crises that we talked about. I was so looking for my son to have a simple answer. And not that asthma is a simple answer, but I was so looking for asthma to just be the answer and medication to treat him that he was constantly sick. And when I say constantly sick, we were in the ER pretty much every single month with him because he couldn't breathe and he was having a lot of breathing issues. And it was about a year into it when my dad actually called me. And I will never forget that phone call because he called me and he said, Alicia, at what point are you going to advocate for your child in the way we advocated for you? Because he can't speak for himself. Wow. And I will never forget that call because I'm not a crier and I balled the entire way home, but it was the wake up that I needed. And it is what then led me to say what I am now saying to everyone that it's okay to get a second opinion. We went and got a second opinion, and we were able to get a new diagnosis for him. And it was so crazy because it was such a simple thing that it just took him taking a drink in front of a new doctor for the doctor to go, oh, he's got XYZ. And a couple surgeries later, and he wasn't right as rain.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

We we still had a long journey with him.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

But it advocating for someone you love sometimes can be even harder than advocating for yourself because your fear gets masqueraded as trust.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Oh, tell me a bit more about that.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

Your fear of what things could be, your fear of there that not being the answer, your fear of it not being true that this is the solve can masquerade as you trusting the diagnosis, trusting that specific medication.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Right, right, okay. Wow. Um my brain's ticking over here. Um, what do you say to women who were raised to not make a fuss, to trust the system, to defer to authority, and who are now realizing that silence has cost them. Uh, how do they find that advocacy muscle?

SPEAKER_00 21:34

First is there's a big difference between making a fuss and owning your truth and being willing to stand up for yourself. Two very different things. Yeah. And what I would say is the people who raised us weren't wrong. They were doing the best that they could with the information they were given and how they were taught. But I was raised on a farm. I was raised if your bones aren't sticking out and you're not bleeding out, you're not hurt, right? Like you, you know. I've had many broken bones that just went, we just kept working, right? They weren't wrong. It was just how they were raised. It was what taught me to push through no matter what. Yeah. That's also what I've learned is what taught me to push through and actually hurt myself more. So what I would say to any woman out there who is afraid of making a fuss is go back to what I was saying initially about your body is not the enemy, your body is the messenger. And we need to listen to our bodies. And you can, it is okay for you to own your truth and ask questions. If you have a concern, you need to raise it. That is the work for you to do with physicians, with doctors, nurses, whoever. It is not fussing.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

I'll tell you a very short uh story of advocacy. Um, and and someone saying that, you know, don't panic, Donna. That's kind of been a theme in our family of telling Donna not to panic. Um, and I'm not a panicker, but I my intuition tells me when something's wrong and I want to investigate it more. And it it was um my father had been in hospital and we couldn't get hold of my younger brother, who is only five years younger than me. And um, and I'm like, something's not right. Like, we can't get him on the phone, and she's like, his phone's um, he's lost his phone, blah, blah, blah. So and I said, something's not right. And my mum's like, don't panic, Donna. And um, only for us to find out that he's actually been homeless for seven months living on the streets. And we found him, we um got him, we took him um home, we got him cleaned up, and we've been advocating for him ever since. And he had been in uh social housing for 30 years because he has a disability, and he had lived independently, uh, but um what we'd come to discover is not particularly well because the family would all get together at mum's house and mum and dad's house, and um, and so we then had to go into a a place of advocating for him, making sure he's okay, his health, everything. And and you know, we've got him fully back on track, and now I'm his power of attorney, and we look after him, you know, in the best possible way to get him back to as independent as possible. But I I will never forget my mother saying, Don't panic, Donna, because I'm the one who, you know, um, I'm the one who's emotional and and you know, do does that. So uh But you knew something wasn't right.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

You knew something wasn't right, and we we know that, right? We have those instincts. It's the the instincts that we have as women. And you you just called out it kind of goes back to where I where I was talking about with leveraging the internet too. When you're advocating for someone else, you don't know that that vocabulary, you don't know, like I think gone are the days where we just show up to an appointment or a meeting, whether that be housing, whether that be a lawyer, whether that be you name it, use the internet to your disposal. If you don't like AI, that's fine. Google. But what questions should they be asking? What questions should you be asking? What should you be prepared to bring with you? We now I did not have that capability when I was 19 and dealing with my pain disorder, right? We have that ability now. And so I just I really feel like I love what you just said about you being the power of attorney and advocating for him because I think that we we have a new way to be able to do that and put some thought into places we don't know because I'm not an orthopedic surgeon, I don't know what they're gonna ask, but yeah, but the internet does.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

Yeah. Well, and we just I think you want to be empowered to be able to ask better questions. We have so much information at our fingertips, and you know, you can get overwhelmed with it, but you can also, you know, hone it into. I I have to say, I used AI to do a lot of research about how could they possibly evict him after being in housing for 30 years and and how could they give him documents that he can't read? And like I was furious and really had to keep myself in check to not become you know emotional, but to advocate for him in a way that people had to answer, people had to respond. Well, what did you do? Um, how did you explain it to him? How did you offer him support? Um, because he was too embarrassed to ask the family what was with what was happening. Um, you know, and we we've come to a different place now. And and we, you know, he asks a lot more lots more questions.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

So but thank you for sharing that, because that's a perfect example. It's not just medical, right? It's it's in our daily lives and how we're helping people. There are so many opportunities for us to leverage it differently than just the way that I think mainstream people think about it. So thank you so much for sharing that. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Um, so I want to talk a little bit now about identity and how it shifts. And, you know, identity is a central pillar of the work. Um, I also do with rebuilding after major life chapters, um, you know, when when you have a lot of change in your life and becoming more resilient and and who am I now? Um, so from experience, personally, as a coach for you, what actually happens to identity when your life is disrupted by something that you didn't choose?

SPEAKER_00 27:37

It gets completely stripped away. For me personally, I can speak for myself. Yeah. I I think there's an immediate reaction of like my life is over. Like, what did I work so hard for? This is got like what am I gonna do now? There's a little bit of that moment. Um, and it's happened to me multiple times, as as you mentioned, right? I I was the athlete, I was the nurse, I was the, you know, whatever, and it was taken from me because of different medical things. And so I think we always have that moment, and it's okay to have that moment. I think you need to have that moment. I think that the truth is what happens in that gap of realizing things have changed and doing the work to figure out now what is next and what I want to rebuild into.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

Yeah. And sometimes, would you agree that sometimes it's hard to do that yourself? It's hard to actually go through that process yourself because you know, like where do I start? This is what I know. Um, and life is no longer as I know it. Um and you know, uh, how do how do I do the work or or what work do I do? Like, do you find that people you coach with ask those questions? And of course they come to you because they they may be stuck or they may need that help. Can you expand on that a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 29:07

Yeah, I mean, I I for me, as I mentioned before, I was able to work with with therapists to help me figure things out because I had such life-changing things with, you know, the postpartum depression and with my heart attacks. Um, but when we think about a lot of the clients that I work with, they're asking me a lot of questions around, and it doesn't even have to be something that completely took away their identity, but more so just asking, who do I want to be next? Like, what do I want to do next? Who, who am I now? They a lot of times it's because they picked their head up from working so hard to get to a certain level or to a certain thing in their life. And now they're going, wait a second, like where what's happening around me? And so the way that I really like to think about it is, you know, there's there's different frameworks where I ask them to think about what they value, not what they want, but what they value. And so it, you know, and actually physically writing down a list, whether it's around career, family, health, right? I have a whole list of things that I have them work through. And then I ask them to stack rank it. What is the priority that they care about and that they value? And then the most eye-opening thing for people that I work with is then I challenge them to say, look at your calendar for the next three months. How does what you just told me you value align to what you have on your calendar?

unknown 30:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

And what is that telling you? Right. And then I think that gives us somewhere, a place to start to now think about if these are the things that you value, how do we start to figure out how to work those in in a way? I'm not asking you to completely turn your life around, but that moves us a step closer where you're able to make those decisions for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 30:57

Yeah, yeah, perfect. And you know, it is that that question is if you didn't have to do anything for anyone for the next month, what would you do? Yes, you know, yes, I love that one. Yes. And and you know, thinking about that because we are so busy. I mean, I remember years ago when I became an empty nester. My goodness, if you want to talk about identity shift, um who am I now that I'm not doing all of these things? And um, you know, there's so many times in our life, whether it is illness, whether it is empty nesting, whether it is career change, that there's just some really good questions we can ask ourselves. Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

And and to your point, I think not even in just my clients, but just even in my own personal life, there were times where my title mattered more to me than anything. I was title and money was what mattered. And that was before I had kids, right? Then having kids that shifts. And but yet even with kids, you still need to make a living and you need to do something, right? So it's and and I think one of the other things that is critically important, it's not an and or. I I truly believe that we especially as women just think about if you had kids, you were used to having a kid on your hip, cooking dinner, answering a phone, right? Doing all that. We we are able to multitask, but it is thinking about not only what you value, and then uh identifying what is the most critical thing for me to do today in that. And it can be very different with tomorrow. Like today, for example, I'm here talking to you. I value my family as probably my top two or three, one, one, two, three items. But my kids are off with my husband doing sports today, and I'm not at sports because I'm here with you because I value getting my message out, talking to people about taking care of their mental health and different things, right? And so it's okay for you to shift and it's okay for you to think about it more across the whole versus you feeling like you have to do the same thing and focus in the same value space every single day, day in and day out.

SPEAKER_01 33:11

Yeah. Yeah. That's beautifully said. So, well, you've worn a lot of hats, patient, mother, advocate, executive, founder, coach, now author. How do you hold all of those without losing the thread of who is actually underneath all of those hats?

SPEAKER_00 33:33

I think it's a lot of what I just shared a little bit of understanding that you don't have to be every one of those, like you don't have to wear every single hat every single day and all throughout the day, right? There there are some times where I want to be doing more executive coaching and I have to wear my corporate hat, right? There's sometimes where, like I just shared with you, that I that I'm gonna be here doing this versus at my kids' sports. And so I think the most important thing, again, is just more so for you to not feel guilty and for you to be purposeful, right? I want to be purposeful and own the choices you make. Yeah. Own the fact that I'm going to be in this space and this is the decision. I still travel a ton for work. And so when I'm traveling for work, I own that that is a decision, but I don't shy away from it with my kids. I talk to them about it. Say, like, I travel so we can take family vacations. And when I take family vacations, I turn off. I completely disconnect so I can be with you, right? Yeah. So I think it's really being very clear and owning the decisions that you make about the hat that you're going to wear in that moment.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

Yeah. And I think that's a really key point that you make too. Like you turn off when you are on holidays, you turn off in your present. And that's one of the things I remember someone saying that to me. And I think, and I think I I I can't remember the person who said it to me, but they're like, you know, be at the office when you're at the office, be at the beach when you're at the beach, you know, like really be intentional about that. So I really love what you said there. So um there's a point in reinvention where what used to be important stops fitting. And we've we've, you know, spoken a little bit about this of when life changes, uh, you know, your career changes, health problems means that life changes, um, your priorities shift, values surface, values that were, you know, um buried maybe surface. And how do you coach someone through that disorientation without rushing them into a new identity before they're ready?

SPEAKER_00 35:46

Writing it down. I really believe that there is power in writing down and forcing stack ranking of the priorities. Yeah. It is so easy for us to say, this is what I care about, these are my priorities, these are what I value. But I really truly believe having people write it down. And then once they do that, it goes back to what you were talking about about asking questions around it. My job, especially as a coach, is not to tell you what you should be doing. It's not to lead you to what I believe you should be doing, right? It's to really ask you questions to get you to think about what you care about, what you're passionate about, what energizes you, and then to help you see the opportunities and to think differently versus just here's the answer.

SPEAKER_01 36:45

Yeah. And asking yourself those deep questions and and waiting for the answers is really, you know, um it can be a beautiful process if you just sit with it, can't it?

SPEAKER_00 36:58

Absolutely. I mean, I I journal, I write, I mean, I, you know, clearly I write, I I wrote my book, but there I I do find that even me myself, I take myself through value ranking. And I'm and I mentioned that, you know, I I think especially as things change, but I also I just truly, truly believe in auditing yourself. I really do. I know I made the comment about the calendar, but I think as women, again, I go back to we do still try to be as much as we can for the people we care about. And so for me, what that means is I say that family is one of my top things. And I don't just mean my kids, I mean my my sisters, my mom, my dad, my nieces and nephews. But if I'm being honest, right now, we're in a busy time of life. And so I missed our family vacation. I haven't seen them. Normally I see them two to three times a year. So I actually have it scheduled on my calendar once a quarter. I re-evaluate my values and I say, did they show up? And if they haven't, what do I need to schedule to make that happen and make that a reality? Because otherwise it's just lip service. So I think auditing yourself, but holding yourself accountable by actually scheduling a self-evaluation is something you can do on your own. And you don't necessarily need, you know, a Donna or an Alicia to act to kind of reinforce that to you.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

Yeah, yeah. And and it is so important. I mean, my um, you know, my dad is in early stages of dementia. So spending time with family is super important for us. And and um, you know, and it's not hard to do. It just means that you've got to plan that and and make sure your priorities are where they are. So um, I want to talk a little bit about your there is always another page. So your book is called Finding the Off Switch, and the message underneath your work is that there is always another page. Where did that conviction come from for you personally?

SPEAKER_00 39:07

The very first therapist that I ever saw when I was 19, a pain psychologist. The nerve disorder that I had is called CRPS. And it's a 42 out of 50 on the McGill pain score, which is more than childbirth for those of you who don't know what that is. And so I was on 25 pills a day, I was in and out of a wheelchair for three years, I was not in a good place. And where that conviction comes for me is at one point she said to me, every day when your feet hit the floor, you get to decide what kind of day you're gonna have. Nobody else gets to make that decision. But you have to make the you have to decide. Yeah. And that is something I have pulled forward with me for the over 20 years. And I still have to tell myself today, I didn't want to work out this morning. I I'm a 4 a.m.er. And when my alarm goes off, I literally say to myself, what kind of day do you want to have today?

SPEAKER_01 40:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

And it is a choice that we get to make. And so that is that that is something that has has stuck with me.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

And I think for the listeners, like if you want to take one thing away from this, it's asking yourself that question when you wake up, is what kind of day do I want to have? You know, that's really powerful to ask yourself that. And you get to decide. And I think, and I've spoken about this before in in a podcast that I've done where I was just talking, where, you know, I think we let go of that knowledge that we get to decide. You know, it's not that if someone, if you spill something, that's ruined your day. That's just a moment. You know, it's not that if someone cut you off in traffic, that means you have a bad day. That again, that is just a moment. And if you ask yourself the question, what could be happening for them that that happened? You know, that that's but asking yourself, yeah, what kind of day do I want to have? And knowing that you are in charge of that, that's just so powerful.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

Thank you. Yeah, and and I think it's something that I try to instill in my kids as well, like even in the mornings. I was gonna email that. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, there is there's many days where we're running around and it's chaos, and people start yelling and hollering, and I'm like, time out. I literally will tell my family, time out. We are not having this kind of day. Like, we're not doing that.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

Everybody's like resetting a sporting background coming to it.

SPEAKER_00 41:44

That is, that is, time out. Like we're not, everybody pause, stop. We are not doing that. And I asked them, like, what kind of day do you want to have? And we reset because to your like in it, and it can happen throughout the day. But I think in the morning, especially, and especially for our kids too. It's like, I don't want you going off to school being frazzled and being, you know, you forgot something and you're crying because you forgot your my kids are young, like, you know, crying because you forgot something in your backpack. Like, no, that that is not how I want my kids to learn how to go throughout their days and throughout their life. So we're gonna reset, we're gonna take a deep breath, and we're gonna say, like, what whatever your mantra is for your day, and now let's let's go back into it, right? Like, I think it's it's not about, you know, motivation versus discipline.

SPEAKER_01 42:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, I I see myself in the future going time out, Donna. I just, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

I do, I love that. It does help though, because now they just know when I when when a mom raises up the time out signal, they just both take a deep breath and it's like, all right, we're gonna pause, you know, get it together.

SPEAKER_01 42:47

Um, and you know, uh my next question was what does turning the page actually require of someone? Because I think people hear that as hope, but um is that timeout? Is that you know what what does it look like for people to um turn the page?

SPEAKER_00 43:01

I think to me, turn the page is what the the hope comes after the decision, but it's not what enables it. It's really thinking about the what if. So thinking about to me, turning the page means sticking around for tomorrow, if we're being totally honest. And it meant what if there is a new diagnosis? What if there is a new medication? What if the doctor has a new option? What if, what if? So if you are going through something today, and and and Donna, I know I it's in my uh in my book, but a big reason that I wrote this is the nerve disorder that I have, there's a 70% suicide ideation rate with it. And so while it's very raw for me, I wanted people to hear me when I say, stick around for the what if. The medical field is changing so rapidly. And so then turning the other page requires you to make a decision. Requires you to take a deep breath, think about what is the one thing you can do and turn it. You don't have to see what's on the next one. You just have to turn this one.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Yeah. Yeah, which is a really beautiful reminder, you know, of of making that choice. And I mean, when you talked about the pain level, uh, I mean, obviously you've given birth, I've given birth. So when you talk about the pain level being higher than giving birth, you know, you can someone who has given birth can resonate with that, right? And go imagine living with that day to day would be almost impossible.

SPEAKER_00 44:38

Yeah, it was yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:40

Yeah. Yeah. So I thank you for sharing that. That's very um, I think that's very important for the listeners to understand the context of that. Um so for uh someone listening right now who feels stuck at the end of a chapter that maybe they didn't choose and cannot see the next page. What do you want that person to hear right now?

SPEAKER_00 45:08

You are not behind, you are not broken, you are in between versions of yourself. You don't have to see what's next for you to have the courage to stick around, you just have to be willing. Do the one thing, yeah, and it's the most important work you'll ever do.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. And so I have um a question from myself, which is if if resilience wasn't something you had to fight for anymore, if it was just who you were now, what would that let you finally put down?

SPEAKER_00 45:59

The fear of what's next. So for me, there's always been something next.

SPEAKER_02 46:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

When I had my nerve disorder, then I, you know, then I had my heart attacks, then I had mono, then I had, then I had, then I had.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:20

Most recently it's been my immune disorder, right? There has always been the next. But I think that that also is to your whole why I wanted to come on your show about resilience. Resilience isn't about a destination. It's about every single day.

SPEAKER_02 46:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:42

And so I think what what it would allow me to put down is not to be fearful of what's next and live in today.

SPEAKER_01 46:50

Being present and yeah. I feel like, and some people might think it's a bit wishy-washy sometimes, but I feel like there is always something to be grateful for. And, you know, I mean, today I'm so extremely grateful for this conversation. Um sometimes it can be as simple as being grateful for the hot shower that you can have, or the cup of tea that you can enjoy, or you know, being able to pick up the phone and speaking to someone, or you know, there's there's just little things that we don't have to have these big audacious things that we have to be grateful for. Um, it can just be the the little things that bring you that that just that simple shift.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

I could not agree more. And you know, it's it's so interesting. I was thinking about this yesterday. I do believe that things happened for a reason. And I I do believe I went through what I went through when I was young to be able to go. I actually went and worked for the organization that I was implanted for my spinal cord stimulator because I was able to then impact so many patients' lives who were implanted by us, andor where I was able to train reps who were then working with patients. And I do believe that that also is then what led me to go get more degrees and what led me to go do the type of work that I was going to do. And I feel like to your point, when I think back and look back, I forget how excited I was to just be able to sleep, to just be able to sit and eat dinner, and how amazing I have it now that I can do those things. And I can go walk for a walk. I went for a walk this morning, right? Like to your point, there are so many incredible things that we are able to do. And even when I had my heart attacks and I couldn't get out of bed, the fact that I still was able to connect and have conversations with my kids and ask them questions, that was my gratitude. So I could not agree more with you that it can be the little things, it doesn't have to be the big things that we can hold on to every single day to have that page turn.

SPEAKER_01 49:17

Yeah, yeah. Beautiful. And so I'm so grateful. Lastly, uh, if people want to find your book, connect with you, can you share how we do that?

SPEAKER_00 49:31

Yes, coachbriggs.com. So if coachbriggs2gs.com is where you can find my book. You can connect with me. Um, you know, that's where you're able to find the work that I do. And I just thank you so much, Donna. This has been amazing. I love your show. I am so grateful for having you on, for you having me on. I think you're naming so many of the things that people are so afraid to name and to say out loud. And so I am so thankful that your show is out there to touch people in places where I was many, many years ago and I thought I was alone and they're not alone. So thank you for everything that you do.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

Oh, so and I'm sure all the listeners will um send some feedback in and um we'll be so grateful for all of the wisdom that you have shared and your knowledge. So thank you. Thank you so much. Bye for the everyone.